I was reminded today of my friend, Torry. I haven't spoken to him for a while, unfortunately. He can create the most beautiful poetry right on the spot.
Here is a particularly moving poem he wrote for me. If you know enjough about me, you can pick up on the little things throughout the poem that point out my life. The awareness of who I am is touching - talking of my pain, but that I hold tight to God through it all.
"Fair-hair dreams in the western mounts
quiet chill of evening descended
moments hushed and hours stilled
tattered thoughts to be mended
Fair-hair rests her weary head
sun-kissed cheeks aglow
night birds singing in the dark
wondering where to go
Fair-hair smiles to the ebon sky
for through the pain and drear
she keeps her God in her bosom nigh
and she will know no fear"
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
My weakness makes God's strength shine
"And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
I pray that I can always remember this. I apologize to God for my weakness, for not being able to do all the things that I think I should be able to do - as a wife, mother, daughter, friend. But then these verses come to my mind and I'm strengthend. It's not about me and what I can do, but what God can do through me. His light shines all the more brightly when it flows through the weakest of vessels.
I pray that I can always remember this. I apologize to God for my weakness, for not being able to do all the things that I think I should be able to do - as a wife, mother, daughter, friend. But then these verses come to my mind and I'm strengthend. It's not about me and what I can do, but what God can do through me. His light shines all the more brightly when it flows through the weakest of vessels.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
strength
I've been thinking a lot lately about God's plan and what He wants for us. I say us, and not just myself, because I'm surrounded by people who are all going down the path of life, and somehow God has put me in a place for me to be able to share that with. A lot of times life is hard, and even though I know intellectually that He has a Masterplan and everything will all come out the best way it can in the end, it's still hard. But I want to love Him better, and I want to trust Him and serve Him in an unique way. Not just because I believe it in my head, but because I love Him and the daily life He has for me.
This past week has been a big one for me, and lots has been happening. First of course is the trip to Pathfinder Leadership Retreat, and ultimately my precious time my friends. It was the uplift that I needed right now, to connect emotionally and intellectually with someone again, which I haven't done for a long time in that manner.
I guess you could say that I've been going through a crisis for several days, one that I hope I'm at the tail end of the worst of it. But for the first time, my emotions and what I'm connecting with has directly and immediately affected my body. As in - think something of feel something - and instant pain in my back and neck, like I'm being controlled like a marionette. Specifically, I have been going through a labor of love for a person close to me who is going through a life-changing struggle, and with whom I seem to no be able to help for the first time in our relationship. This has been so hard for me, and even when I'm not directly thinking of it, it's still there in my body. I've been trying my best to do whatever I can every day to stay out of the hospital because of it, to relax, to think on other things, to pray, to laugh with my family. This of course, has made me think a lot about myself, what God wants from me, and to come closer to my God.
We've been going through the Uncle Arthur Bible Stories for worship in the evening with the kids. This is the second time that we have, the last time was several years ago when they were much younger. I find that this time, we can have good discussions afterward about God, and character, and choices. Right now, we're going through the stories of Daniel and his friends. The faith that they showed is so inspiring. How amazing, to not compromise your faith and your God, even for the smallest of things. And to have a firm relationship through many hard years in a foreign land and to actually thrive. I always love the part that we read tonight where the three friends are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace, and their unwavering faith and loyalty to their God: "...we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 2:16-18) God can save us, but if for some reason in His wonderful plan He does not, that won't affect our choices one bit. We serve Him unwaveringly because we trust Him.
Philippians 4:11-13 has always been my favorite bible passage, even well before I became sick.
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
I've been saying that a lot to myself lately, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Funny, this correlates with my theme verse for this blog. It is my good friend's favorite verse. I made an inspirational poster for it, with a picture we took a few years ago, going over the Cascade Highway. Lol, typing all of this has drained a lot of my strength. I need to bring out my speaking tool from now on, although you need to be alert enough to enunciate. I'm afraid it doesn't understand me very well. :-p
Tonight I watched the movie, "The Ultimate Gift". I encourage everyone to watch that. What an incredible movie, that further made me reach into my heart to remember what the truly important things are in life. Life is too short, LOVE with all of your heart.
I've wanted to do this since last night. I've had the song on my mind, "His Strength Is Perfect", by Steven Curtis Chapman. After recording my friends at Camp MiVoden so briefly, I thought about recording myself sing this song. I used to sing for church all the time, but I don't anymore. I think that it's just been that over time I can't commit and know if I'll be at church on a certain Sabbath, and I also think people worry about over taxing me. And I've gone along because all those things are true, and it's just easier that way. But I do miss it. I love singing to my God. I've found my voice becoming weak and rusty lately, and that makes me sad and long to sing again. I can hear how sapped I sound in this recording, but isn't that why I've had this song and that verse on my mind for a while? God is good.
This is for you, my friend.
This past week has been a big one for me, and lots has been happening. First of course is the trip to Pathfinder Leadership Retreat, and ultimately my precious time my friends. It was the uplift that I needed right now, to connect emotionally and intellectually with someone again, which I haven't done for a long time in that manner.
I guess you could say that I've been going through a crisis for several days, one that I hope I'm at the tail end of the worst of it. But for the first time, my emotions and what I'm connecting with has directly and immediately affected my body. As in - think something of feel something - and instant pain in my back and neck, like I'm being controlled like a marionette. Specifically, I have been going through a labor of love for a person close to me who is going through a life-changing struggle, and with whom I seem to no be able to help for the first time in our relationship. This has been so hard for me, and even when I'm not directly thinking of it, it's still there in my body. I've been trying my best to do whatever I can every day to stay out of the hospital because of it, to relax, to think on other things, to pray, to laugh with my family. This of course, has made me think a lot about myself, what God wants from me, and to come closer to my God.
We've been going through the Uncle Arthur Bible Stories for worship in the evening with the kids. This is the second time that we have, the last time was several years ago when they were much younger. I find that this time, we can have good discussions afterward about God, and character, and choices. Right now, we're going through the stories of Daniel and his friends. The faith that they showed is so inspiring. How amazing, to not compromise your faith and your God, even for the smallest of things. And to have a firm relationship through many hard years in a foreign land and to actually thrive. I always love the part that we read tonight where the three friends are about to be thrown into the fiery furnace, and their unwavering faith and loyalty to their God: "...we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 2:16-18) God can save us, but if for some reason in His wonderful plan He does not, that won't affect our choices one bit. We serve Him unwaveringly because we trust Him.
Philippians 4:11-13 has always been my favorite bible passage, even well before I became sick.
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
I've been saying that a lot to myself lately, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Funny, this correlates with my theme verse for this blog. It is my good friend's favorite verse. I made an inspirational poster for it, with a picture we took a few years ago, going over the Cascade Highway. Lol, typing all of this has drained a lot of my strength. I need to bring out my speaking tool from now on, although you need to be alert enough to enunciate. I'm afraid it doesn't understand me very well. :-p
Tonight I watched the movie, "The Ultimate Gift". I encourage everyone to watch that. What an incredible movie, that further made me reach into my heart to remember what the truly important things are in life. Life is too short, LOVE with all of your heart.
I've wanted to do this since last night. I've had the song on my mind, "His Strength Is Perfect", by Steven Curtis Chapman. After recording my friends at Camp MiVoden so briefly, I thought about recording myself sing this song. I used to sing for church all the time, but I don't anymore. I think that it's just been that over time I can't commit and know if I'll be at church on a certain Sabbath, and I also think people worry about over taxing me. And I've gone along because all those things are true, and it's just easier that way. But I do miss it. I love singing to my God. I've found my voice becoming weak and rusty lately, and that makes me sad and long to sing again. I can hear how sapped I sound in this recording, but isn't that why I've had this song and that verse on my mind for a while? God is good.
This is for you, my friend.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
This was special music on Saturday night. I can't tell you what a tremendous blessing this family has been to me and my family in so many ways over so many years. Have you ever felt so grateful, so full of knowledge of wonderfullness that you can't express it? I'll never be able to let them know the witness and example they've been. Shawn has been going through a similar life, with a debilitating sickness very close to mine, for something like 9 years now. I can sit down with him, and even though I don't know him personally very well, we have an instant connection in that we understand exactly what each other is going through. To see someone so young, with 5 more years of illness than me gives me courage and admiration. To see what God can do in someone elses life lifts me up and comforts me.
Here is Shawn and his girlfriend. He's playing the guitar and they're singing a duet. I wish I had more than 20 seconds, but my camera shut off on me. The song is talking about how through the pain and the sorrow, all we need is to come to Jesus and drink of the waters of life (that's how I remember it, anyhow). To hear this beautiful music and words coming from someone who has lived that in his life is so utterly moving.
The picture is dark, because they were sitting on the floor and I was in the back. I just left the cover on my camera and let the sound speak for itself. I wanted a tiny memory of that moment for myself, to remember.
Here is Shawn and his girlfriend. He's playing the guitar and they're singing a duet. I wish I had more than 20 seconds, but my camera shut off on me. The song is talking about how through the pain and the sorrow, all we need is to come to Jesus and drink of the waters of life (that's how I remember it, anyhow). To hear this beautiful music and words coming from someone who has lived that in his life is so utterly moving.
The picture is dark, because they were sitting on the floor and I was in the back. I just left the cover on my camera and let the sound speak for itself. I wanted a tiny memory of that moment for myself, to remember.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
what's up
I have had an unknown illness since February of 2005. The most that doctors can tell me is that I have an Auto-immune disorder, but cannot name which one. Unfortunately, I have so many different symptoms, that I don't fit into any one syndrome.
Auto-immune disorders are things like: Multiple Sclerosis, Lupis, Rhuemetoid Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue syndrome, etc. There are debates that Fibromyalgia may or may not be in that list as well.
Auto-immune disorders are things like: Multiple Sclerosis, Lupis, Rhuemetoid Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue syndrome, etc. There are debates that Fibromyalgia may or may not be in that list as well.
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